Every trainer and every coach goes through something like this…
…You’re in the middle of a session or practice and all of a sudden while teaching you hear, from the sidelines, “EYES UP”. You look over to see a parent staring at the child who is performing a drill that has nothing to do with their eyes being up. What’s bewildering is, the drill at that moment is SOLELY focusing on their control and coordination. Their eyes being up isn’t the point of emphasis, but this perfectionist parent only sees the flaws even when their child is performing the drill unbelievably perfect for what it’s MEANT FOR.
At 24 years old, I would be lying to you by saying I have the answer for the perfectionist parent because I don’t. I honestly have no idea how to handle it. What I can tell you is that it’s the most uncomfortable session to train and teach through and if it hinders my performance then I know for sure its hindering your child’s. You constantly stopping sessions to nit-pick every tiny detail not only is uncomfortable and disrespctful to the trainer/coach, (even if you don’t agree) but you’re overwhelming your child. I see it and I know they feel it. Even, sometimes I succumb to the pressure of trying to focus on EVERYTHING to please YOU and even I lose sight of the big picture of why I’m there and what each drill is helping. Did you get what I just said??? You’ve lost sight of the BIG PICTURE. The scary part is you nit-picking their MINOR flaws and tendencies will have them scared to get out of their comfort zone, nervous to try new things, and afraid to take risks. How you do ANYTHING is how you do EVERYTHING. Do you want to be the reason they fail, all because you can’t let go of the little things they miss?
It’s very hard, because I do realize you are coming from a position of love, but you spend so much time interrupting me, and focusing on details that are not relevant to our session that even though it’s out of love, it’s still UNCOMFORTABLE. You struggle to delegate even the most minor tasks, and usually you’re just trying to have a voice because you deep down cannot trust someone with your child…..
…At least that’s the feeling I get.
I know that might not be your intentions but you have to let go and let me do what I’m good at. For example, change of speed, footwork, control, movements is what I usually watch for at the beginning because honestly a tiny default in their shot is not what is going to separate them at 12 years old from the average and great players.
My whole point is sometimes there are other bad habits, usually more important, that need to be corrected at that time.
I realize you care a great deal. I appreciate everything you do and I’m so grateful that you have me there and even in the smallest amount, trusting me to help your child get better. I understand how hard it is to gain your trust and how many coaches truly weren’t good enough to help your child. I realize I’m younger than you. I realize also, that I’m not perfect and will miss some details but you got to step back or step down. Because your constant need of being there and controlling everything is limiting my potential as a trainer and hindering/hurting the potential of your child.
I commend your focus and attention to detail but 90% of the time you focus on the most unimportant, useless details.. I use creative approaches to doing things. Just because some coaches do things differently don’t always necessarily mean they are wrong and you’re right. I realize there are a ton of bad coaches that miss some major details but there also are a ton of good ones.
Mistakes – and even outright failures (as long as they’re minor) are an important part of learning and growth. If your child never takes a risk and learns from their mistakes, they’ll never reach their full potential. You have to step back and watch their faults, watch them forget, watch them mess up. There will be times where I don’t say a word because guess what?? We always won’t be there to help them and make sure they are doing right. I know this sounds crazy, but sometimes they have to learn on their OWN.
Now unfortunately a part of me feels like this is wasted time because I understand a perfectionist will only see the negative and faults throughout this blog or have excuses to why they do what they do. I know I can’t win but maybe, just maybe I get through to a couple parents. I know I don’t know it all and I definitely know that there’s a reason in your mind to why you are doing what you’re doing but next time before you start to correct, just remember, you don’t know it all either.
Until next time,